i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
