Well douche your snatch and let's go!
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
