508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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