I'm going to jail i love you
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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