from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
