I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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