Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
