doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
This is my gift to your gina
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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