You smell like a Billy Joel song
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
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