When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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