i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Randomize
