She is in my trunk
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
