Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
