It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
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So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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