Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Duck Duck Cougar?
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
