so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
