I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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