"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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