On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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