There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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