I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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