he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
