By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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