My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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