this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize