I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
