his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Randomize
