the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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