so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
