Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Randomize
