CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
