oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
