So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
