dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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