"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
