Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize
