k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
