Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
