You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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