Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
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He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
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My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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