I bet he comes in French.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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