I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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