Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Too much gin, very little bucket
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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