He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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