i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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