His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
