when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
