I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
