when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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