Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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