HIV tests are more positive than that guy
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
