I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Non-Jews are for practice
I wish I only lived at night.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Still dying that you shit outside
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
