I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
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