a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize