your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
