shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
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I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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