I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Randomize
