Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
