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he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
