I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I did not marry a roomba.
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