remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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