I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
i may or may not be watching the land before time
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
