I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
