I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
