I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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