Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
