i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
