I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Randomize
