I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
