So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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