For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
