some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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