I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
